3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
