Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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