i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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