Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
