If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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