My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
