Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
