Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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