dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
