Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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