hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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