I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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