I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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