yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
