I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
