Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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