I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
