I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
