did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
