i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
