I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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