How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
