margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
sex in a hospital.. check
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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