I faked an abortion last night.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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