Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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