i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
