Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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