I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
