Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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