he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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