I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
are you so shy because you have an std?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
