Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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