smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
