The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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