then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
