Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The beer is more important than you right now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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