I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
