Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
