I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
