Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We are all done wearing pants today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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