You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
