I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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