it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
