I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
