Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
