So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
