Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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