he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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