I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
only if we run a train.
done.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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