I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
