do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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