I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
