Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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