she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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