Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
