We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
