capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
