I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
