I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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