Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
