Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
