where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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