I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
