How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
