I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
