Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
