It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
