Can i not drive my cunt home
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
