found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
