trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize