i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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