my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everything about him screamed your future.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
