If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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