Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
