The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
