why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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