..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
