hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.