I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??