Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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