why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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