Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk