I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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