thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
